Still Up

Ah, hello midnight. It's been awhile. If by awhile, you mean 24 hours, because hey! Wasn't I in this exact same predicament last night? Huh. So funny. (Not funny).

-Why am I still up? Wasn't I going to wake up at 7:00am for that yoga class at work that starts at 7:30?

-Yeah, that's gonna be a no. No way I'm alive before 8 tomorrow and even that'd be a miracle.

-When have I EVER woken up for yoga. Who do I think I am.....

-Who do I have to email tomorrow? Let's draft them ALL OUT in my head but not actually commit anything to a typed draft that could, just say, be useable. K great.

-Capitalism creates a flawed society. How might we provide for all without de-incentivizing hard work?

-This pimple just does not want to go away, does it? Neither does this one. Is that a new spot on my arm? Wow, I have not shaved the back of this thigh in at least a month

-Front, I parked out front today. Did I lock the car....yes? Yes. Definitely. But are my PM pills inside it.....also yes.

-Should I even have to shave my legs? I mean, (hashtag) feminism, right? Ehh.... just gonna do the front.

-Pills, shit. Was going to try to back up that 12hr rotation by an hour tonight.... oh. well. 2latezzzzz.

-Maybe if I spent literally one hour finishing my resume I would actually apply to another job.

-Ugh, my job. Should've checked the client email tool tonight, literally always behind

-So, so behind though. Missed out on literally a whole year of experiences, people, free food... Maybe I should just start over somewhere else

-I'm definitely not over when my roommate took the ice cream scoop that was actually mine. No wait. It was like, $10. I'm over it. ehhhh, ok yeah. Over it. Bigger fish.

-Fish, I can't even remember the last time I had fish. Am I getting enough Omega 3's? Because if I'm not, I won't absorb my Prograf enough and I WILL die. Or, go into rejection. Or, just have a low trough result. Or just everything is fine and maybe no one needs Omega supplements anyway....


-Don't think I messaged that girl back on Insta, whoops. Tomorrow? How many people viewed my story...

-Living somewhere else requires effort and conviction and a gosh darn cover letter I can't seem to get to

-But a fresh start sounds SO. GOOD. Like, think of all your friends who live in the city, but you don't want to live in the city because you don't want to live around a bunch of know-it-all new-grads from the midwest telling you "omg, there is SUCH good brunch in Potrero Hill!" as if you haven't lived here your whole damn life (but in reality you don't even really know where that is because who goes to the city when you're 10, is that near "The Mission," is "The Mission" an actual "California Mission," do they have brunch there too....)

-Hope I didn't eat too much salt today. If I weigh >2 lbs more in the AM it's probably from the soyrizo. Definitely not from rejection. Right? Definitely not. Well, I can always call the team.

-I will not pay x2 as much for a smaller room. I will not pay x2 as much for a smaller room. I will not pay x2 as much for a smaller room. I will not pay x2 as much--

-But, social life?

-NO. I will ACTUALLY not spend 3 hours on a bus everyday.

-Andddddd that's the last Vitamin D pill and it's off schedule with all the monthly meds GREAT

-Don't forget to call MedPlaza. Have tx send over the scrip just in case. You're completely going to forget this all day until tomorrow when you go to take your PM meds aren't ya? Hope not.

-K, I don't want another "North Korean Nazis are bombing us" nightmare, so I can't read my WWII book before bed. Sooooo West Wing? or Friends? Another night with the blue, blue light

-Eyes.... what is that reminding me of that I did not do......

-PAY MY CREDIT CARD BILL. FUCK. Every damn. month.


"Hello. Yeah, this is Leilani Graham. Yup. Hi, good, thanks, you? Great. Ok. Yeah I need to pay my card. I know it was due on the 14th, but, you see, it JUST turned into the 15th in my time zone and I was wondering if you could wave the............."

aaaaaaaaaand scene.


Currently Listening To: "Another Day of Sun" from La La Land, by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul & "Puzzle Pieces" from Voyeur, by Saint Motel

So, I hated* La La Land. Specifically, I hated the fact that I was sitting through a two-hour movie on exactly why I chose not to be an actor. I watched two hours of my own regret and longing portrayed by two people who (spoiler alert) can't actually sing that well. Sorry, but no. I'm going with Josh Molina on this one (29:20).  That being said, I DO think it was an exceptionally well-done piece of art. I did not adore the storyline (see above) and their love was not entirely believable to me (or, maybe, it was believable and I was just hoping for something a little more Golden-age like the movie-musical genre suggests), but it was exquisitely designed. From mise-en-scene to montage to motif; it hit each mark in a slightly different way every time a familiarity was re: introduced throughout the film.

That is where I think La La Land finds its golden moments. There is something familiar about it. Something that tangibly recalls yesteryear, while showing us the raw reality of the immediate present. It is "catchy.".

Just slightly up the scale we find Saint Motel, with their similarly-LA-appropriate tune, "Puzzle Pieces." Again, catchy, right? This song laments loving someone beautiful with the knowledge that their appearance is so much at the hands of someone else (and will never be done changing); cue the plastics.


Note how both songs take two full bars before the drum kit comes in. One is a musical, the other is indie rock. What I did love about La La Land (besides the fact that Emma and Ryan saved jazz, was that its music translated easily from classic musical theatre to indie-darling score. The contrast between these two songs highlights the musical's fluidity and relevancy next to story-songs of today. Both have infectious piano riffs; ones so elementary that a child could memorize and plunk them out on a mistakenly-left-open baby grand in a hotel lobby. From a humble start these songs then blossom into full band; just with different instruments. It takes different mindsets to listen to each, but yet the same set of ears...

*to be fair, I also was experiencing frequent spontaneous vomiting episodes (likely due to mild gastroparesis and possibly prednisone withdrawal) during the month I saw La La Land and promptly sprinted out of the theatre and vomited my shepherd's pie and hefeweizen the moment the credits rolled. Irregardless, I'd like to think that was independent of what I thought of the film.

Pieces first, then their respective videos: